I don't think I have ever cried this much in my entire life. My eyes seem to have grown accustomed to this constant barrage of tears...either that they are now permanently swollen. Last week, we had our Covenant Ceremony (during which we signed our covenants with MKLM) and our Sending Ceremony (in which we were sent forth by our friends, family, and community to the people we will be serving). Prior to the ceremonies, I prayed for the gift of presence, hoping that I would feel rather than try to name all that I was feeling and experiencing, giving the emotions time to bloom before I started to prune and cut with words. Those of you who know me well know this is something I constantly struggle with, this need to label and make neat while knowing full well that often times the most beautiful experiences are not able to be pinned down with a couple of words.
I was prepared with a box of tissues under my seat for both ceremonies. The flood of thanksgiving, of feeling connected to every person in the room, of total and complete bliss at surrendering to this great and cosmic Love...well, it overcame me . It is not that I was sad to be leaving Maryknoll and all of the beautiful people I had met there, though of course I was. It was that I was so eternally thankful to have been introduced to this incredible organization that so fully embraces and grows the individual, with all of her flaws, history, and secrets. This organization is so incredibly HUMAN. I came here determined to smooth out my rough edges: my tendency to curse, my sometimes/often inappropriate sense of humor, my affinity for wine and beer, my raucous laughter (which echoed through the convent dining halls many an evening). I leave with my rough edges still in place, but with a tenderness and love for them and a knowledge that they will make me a better missioner because they are true to me.
I made it through the whole Sending Ceremony without shedding too many tears, but then as we processed out I saw Sister Bernie and hugged her. She held my face and repeated, "Beautiful, just beautiful," her eyes seeming to look into me and through me, both of our eyes watering from the power of the connection. I pray for more moments like that for all of us, moments when we get to touch that epic truth and and eternal Love inside of ourselves and for a second, know who we truly are: children of God, children of Love.
I was prepared with a box of tissues under my seat for both ceremonies. The flood of thanksgiving, of feeling connected to every person in the room, of total and complete bliss at surrendering to this great and cosmic Love...well, it overcame me . It is not that I was sad to be leaving Maryknoll and all of the beautiful people I had met there, though of course I was. It was that I was so eternally thankful to have been introduced to this incredible organization that so fully embraces and grows the individual, with all of her flaws, history, and secrets. This organization is so incredibly HUMAN. I came here determined to smooth out my rough edges: my tendency to curse, my sometimes/often inappropriate sense of humor, my affinity for wine and beer, my raucous laughter (which echoed through the convent dining halls many an evening). I leave with my rough edges still in place, but with a tenderness and love for them and a knowledge that they will make me a better missioner because they are true to me.
I made it through the whole Sending Ceremony without shedding too many tears, but then as we processed out I saw Sister Bernie and hugged her. She held my face and repeated, "Beautiful, just beautiful," her eyes seeming to look into me and through me, both of our eyes watering from the power of the connection. I pray for more moments like that for all of us, moments when we get to touch that epic truth and and eternal Love inside of ourselves and for a second, know who we truly are: children of God, children of Love.